Baby Troubles
by inuharutori
Summary: Everything about the kid was ordinary, so why so much fuss over him? He was just another civilian child. That was a mystery that still frazzled Kakashi, why was everything being kept secret? Especially from the two assigned his guardians...


**Prologue: Blood is thicker than water**

_We never have say in those we call our family members._

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"I suppose we'll have to feed it, bathe it, and put it to sleep. You know the essentials."

"The child is not an it, idiot."

Kakashi's scratched the side of his masked cheek, holding a hand up defensively, "Of course it isn't Sakura-chan but-"

Kakashi's eye roved over his partner's slouched figure inquisitively, hoping to find a bit of sympathy for his lack of father skills. It wasn't like he had a program ingrained into his blood right next to stealthy-killer-ninja, things just did not work that way.

Instead he watched as her eyebrow twitched, a vein popped out of her disproportionate forehead whilst the tension that had already been surrounding her, thickened. Whoever said women were fragile, delicate beings had to have been on some serious crac-

"Not an it," she nearly barked.

"Right, I meant of course the child isn't an it," his eye surveyed the three foot figure to the left of his partner, "but I am really not cut out for this type of thing, you understand right?" His lone eye wrinkled indicating the smile hidden behind the mask.

"Listen, Tsunade-sama personally reeled us out of a large pond of fish," she took a step forward, "and personally requested that we take care of this child," another step," so help me Kami if you do not help me out here," she poked his vested chest, "I will see to it that your future missions include chasing around a fat house cat with gennin brats for a year."

Kakashi rubbed the spot she had been viscously poking sorely, "I don't like being compared to a fish, it makes me feel castrated." he sighed as he stared up at the sky shrugging his shoulders indifferently, in a very Shikamaru fashion.

"I can help you feel castrated without any comparisons."

He glanced back at her ignoring her frosty comment, "I can't promise I'll be any good at this thing."

"I'm not expecting you to be." At least someone had faith in him.

She walked down the staircase of the Hokage Tower carefully holding the five-year-old boy's hand as he slowly descended the steps. Kakashi stopped at the top of the stairs observing the two of them, more importantly the child.

He was tiny, as a child should be, three feet three inches with short light brown hair lumped at the top of his head, he wore a plain green shirt with black sweats. Everything about the kid was ordinary so why so much fuss over him? He was not a ninja, just a normal, developing, civilian child. That was a mystery that still frazzled Kakashi, why would Tsunade go through such trouble to send an Anbu black ops team to retrieve him from Snow Country? And why would she not tell either of them what the importance of this classified mission was- especially when it was A ranked.

"Don't lag behind sensei or I might believe the rumors about you being an old fart."

The little boy's shoulders shook as though he were giggling at his temporary guardians joke, but no sound left his body.

Sakura smiled down at the little boy, "You think I'm funny? You can just ignore that big mean cyclops behind us. He's really not that scary at all, just a grumpy old man."

He scowled at the back of her pink head, "Kids these days just don't have any respect for their elders."

She peered over her right shoulder at him from the bottom of the first flight of stairs joining in on the child's laughter.

"Well we 'kids' expect people of your age to be suffering from hearing loss and uninterested in the 'youthful gossip' of the times."

He feigned heartbreak as he started to follow them down the staircase. Sakura paused and turned, waiting for him at the bottom of the first flight of stairs. The child stood beside Sakura comfortably holding her hand while regarding the new, strange city below them. In all likely hood the little boy had grown up in a considerably smaller village than Konoha and was fascinated by the bustle of the busy city streets below.

"Well since Tsunade-sama didn't tell us his name, how about we give him one of our own?" She questioned, poorly masking her excitement towards the task at hand.

"Sakura you know what they say 'the first step to becoming too attached to something is by naming it'."

"He's not an it! And besides that's the saying for stray animals Kakashi," She frowned.

"Well if the shoe fits."

He pulled out Icha Icha tactics and flipped to the last dog eared page. Ah, _Junko released the captured Princess from her confines, offering her his cloak for her completely exposed body. She rejected the offer and instead proceeded to-. _

Kakashi's eye widened in horror while his life flashed before his eyes. It seemed like every movement around him slowed down to an inch-per-minute as he stood helplessly watching Sakura snatch his bible out from his hands only to be thrown over the ledge of the staircase. His body froze in trepidation and his lungs seemed to be rejecting oxygen as the book soared past countless trees, hitting the top of one then slipping between the gaps, lost in the forest greenery to the right of the city streets.

As soon as time sped back up Kakashi pulled out his Sharigan in failed attempt to pinpoint the exact location of the homicide. That was limited edition 214 of the Icha Icha tactics special collection signed, sealed, and delivered personally from Jiraya. There had only been ten copies made. He could actually feel little pieces of his heart tearing.

"None of that now. There is a child present," Sakura ran her fingers of the hand unoccupied by the child through her hair in a fustrated manner.

"Any suggestions for a name?"

Kakashi grimaced at her, resisting the urge to throw her off the ledge in the same vicious fashion as his book.

"Now who's the one talking like it's a stray animal?"

He brushed her left arm as he passed by her. The woman had the nerve to throw his beloved book into the woods and then expected him to name a child he didn't want to be guardian of for however many days, weeks, or months. Hell these past few minutes were already more bothersome than maneuvering his way out of paying for Naruto's ramen addiction. He continued down the flight of stairs without looking back at his new pain in the ass 'family'.

If there wasn't a child present, and if she wasn't the hokage's most beloved apprentice , and if she wasn't so damn frustrating he would just love to, to...

She wasn't interrupting his thoughts with her incessant chatter or badgering him to name the damn brat. Well, he wasn't going to turn around now and ruin what beautiful silence there was, it was probably a trick that only a woman as cunning as she could concoct. If only his beautiful book was in his hand so he could read of how Junko got his hands inside the virg-

"Kakashi."

Not turning around, he thought smugly as he came to the ground floor of the building.

"Kakashi!" There was panic in her voice this time, what a good actress.

"Kakashi! He's starting to convulse! He has stopped breathing!"

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I promise to make longer chapters, this is just the prologue.

**_#1 rule: R.E.V.I.E.W!_**


End file.
